FB Friends

Am I the only person with stringent Facebook policies when dating someone new? My answer has been the same for the last hand full of guys that have asked, no, I do not want to be your friend. I do not want you seeing that picture of me splayed out on the sidewalk passed out drunk. I don’t know what you’ll think of the status update about how much I hate children. Or a plethora of other things that are all very much me, all true to my being, but seem less shocking once you get to know me better.

I’ll just go ahead and admit that if I were to accept your friend request I would read every single comment, going as far back as FB would let me. I am ashamed of how many times I have hit the "older post" tab. Then I will look at all your pictures, and will be on your page 8 times a day from that point forward. I am just not ready to commit that much of my time to you yet. I’ll want to know who that girl is and what the hell does that comment she left you even mean? How long ago was this picture taken of this broad kissing you on the cheek? Who was that you checked in with at Chili’s on Saturday night?

The comment could have been an inside joke from a co-worker, and the chick in the photo may have been your cousin, and you may have gone out for dinner with a girl from your kick ball team. But I’m certainly not going to ask because then you would know that I had been stalking you. So I will just dwell on these thoughts and they will fester inside. It will severely interfere with my ability to trust you and all you wanted was to be Facebook friends.

OR here’s a novel idea. I can talk to you and over time learn all about your friends, particularly the attractive female ones. I know my limitations. I am not generally a jealous person, especially when there is nothing to be jealous over. So getting to know you through your page is worlds away from the way it is supposed to be. It definitely takes some time before I’m willing to be your friend.