Half a cookie

I was visiting a friend at her high rise downtown. She enticed me with promises of dinner and pot-cookies. After we finished a late dinner, we went to go pick up the guy with the cookies. He was looking to go to the clubs downtown and we figured we would save him the cab ride and get the goods quicker. Win-Win!

I ate a cookie right in his driveway, as his eyes bugged out of his head. He explained that he and all of his friends only do a half a cookie. I told him the last few times I had ingested food infused with weed it was pretty mild and I would be fine. Once we dropped him and his crew off on Orange Ave. I convinced my friend to share yet another cookie with me.

After about 23 minutes from my first chew I was tripping balls. My head had floated off of my body and I was easily able to see millions of stars and galaxies. My poor friend kept telling me her head felt huge and she could hardly hold it up. The next thing I knew, she literally melted off the couch and onto the floor. I lay down next to her, feeling very much responsible for getting us THIS stoned. My whole body was buzzing. I could feel my chest roaming through the lobby, 14 floors below.

“Come on, I'll put you to bed,” I said, trying to pull her up off the floor. It was like she was dead, except she was able to tell me, “Please just leave me. I can’t move." I knew we were going to be in this condition for a while. I got a body pillow so I wasn’t lying on the cold, hard tile floor. I woke up an hour later in a puddle of drool.

I switched the pillow around, pulling the dry part my knees where squeezing up to my head. Exactly an hour later I woke again with a wet knee. As out of my mind as I was, I knew that was an insane amount of drool to soak through my jeans and wet my leg like that. What the hell? So, I sat up and smelled the wet spot. It took me a minute to realize what I was dealing with: pee.

It seems her dog had pissed on the pillow at some point earlier in the evening and I took a nap in it. I started freaking out. "My God!! My face was just in your dog's piss!!" She just groaned something inaudible. Finally at 6 am she stirred and was able to make her way to her bed. She told me she felt so bad about the dog pee and that she wanted to cry for me when I told her what had happened but, she was completely unable to speak at that point.

It was a solid 24 hours before we were able to laugh about any part of the night before. That guy was right, though; half of a cookie is the perfect amount for a very fun night. I had many fun nights this summer on just half a cookie.