Special Delivery

We have all been wronged by another at some point. Your boss may have brought you close to tears over something that was in no way your fault. A friend you have loved for years, perhaps got catty and took half of your circle of friends with her as she exited your relationship. Or maybe someone stiffed you on some money they owed you.

I could go on all day.

I’m ashamed to admit the hours I have spent envisioning the perfect revenge for such people as a dose of good old fashion shit. I have often thought, how funny would it be to put a little paper lunch bag, perhaps with a little bow, on someone’s front steps? Can you imagine the look on their face when they unrolled the top to find a bag of feces?! That would be amazing.

I have laid in bed many a night wondering if opening up a company sending anonymous poo-grams would be a viable option. Could there really be a need for this service?

My employees would be under strict instructions to never reveal the identity of the sender, making the general public feel confident in sending a big old bag of Fuck You! to whomever had crossed them, while quite possibly sitting in the cubicle next to them the next day. But then, what if the poo-gram beneficiary stalked my employees and threatened to kill them, as they walked to their cars at the end of their shifts? Do I really want that weight on my shoulders?

A friend recently told me about smelling shit as she walked to and from her car. As she pumped gas and was standing beside the vehicle for a lengthy amount of time she realized there was dog shit placed on the under edges of her windshield wipers. I could hardly keep my reaction P.C. I did, of course, think it was horrifying and I definitely dry heaved a little, but more of me thought, wow; that is a brilliant idea.

I'm happy to say it has been years since the last person pissed me off badly enough to warrant a shit bag. But man...did hearing her story really bring me back.