Girl Crushes

I’ve been known to be attracted to super androgynous girls. When I see a girl with short hair, no makeup and boobies smaller than mine, my heart pitter-patters. And I have definitely been known to rub one out to "The L Word".

Earlier I was talking to someone I have had a girl crush on for awhile now, simultaneously assuming her sneaker-wearing and mostly shaved head were nods to her lesbian ways. In fact, I would have bet my left kidney that this woman was not in the penis business. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when she mentioned her boyfriend for the first time today.

The same thing happened to me a few months ago. She was an extremely athletic woman with a modified Bieber, and had artwork hanging in her home of both naked women and skeletons (not together, that would be weird!). One day I stopped by and there her boyfriend was, on the couch. I only hope my facial expression didn’t let on what was going through my head: “You whore!! I thought someday when I finally got the courage to dip my foot in dyke waters you would be there for me!"

Way to toy with my emotions, ladies! I wish there was some way I could tell who is worthy of my lesbionic day dreams. I’m not suggesting they all go out and get “L’s” tattooed on their foreheads or anything, but obviously fashion choices, home décor, and hairstyles are unfavorable clues on which to base the selection for my next crush.