Sushi

During my recent trip to San Diego I was meeting S&P's mom for the first time. One day we were out sight seeing and she asks from the front seat, "Do you like sushi?"

"Yes, I could eat it everyday."

Then S&P interjects, "I like sushi, too, but I like Liz’s sushi best."

My jaw landed in my lap, and my eyes got a little teary. I give him the full on death look, wondering why in the world he would bring up something like this with his MOTHER!

She turns around and says, “Son, even I know what that means.”

And I sink even further into the back seat, completely humiliated. The car was silent except for his incessant giggling. Every time he opened his mouth, I pointed my finger and mouthed through my gritted teeth, “You better shut the fuck up!”

Soon we arrived at the look-out, where you can see a 360-degree view of the city. I tell S&P to get out of the car and quickly start walking away from the vehicle so his mother and stepfather do not hear the throw down that’s about to go down.

I gave him a quick one-two to each cheek with my open palm and said, "What the fuck was that?? What the fuck were you thinking, talking like that to your mother? I am so embarrassed."

My slap had not affected him at all, nor did my mortified outcry, and he was doubled over grabbing his sides, laughing so hard his face was soaked.

Once he caught his breath, he said, "Baby! On our second date I ate all your sushi. I didn’t realize it sounded like a pun until you went white and my mother turned around. I kept trying to explain myself back there, but it looked like you were about to punch me."

Well boy, did I feel like an asshole.

Anytime the plan is to share food, he ends up eating any portion that was supposed to be mine. I am trying to train him and some progress has been made. So, the whole him-eating-all-of-my-sushi thing has been a joke between us. But that is not where my mind, nor his mother’s, was that day.